I took this online screening for depression recently posted by depressioncomix and this was my result.
"You are not alone." Yeah, I’m gonna call bullshit on that one. You know what happens when a trans person (which I am) calls a depression hotline? They get hung up on.
The only time when people actually care about depression is when famous people die from it and it winds up in the news cycle for 72 hours. The rest of the time it’s like “Dep… derp… uhhh… What’s on telly right now?”
Yes. I am alone. Don’t try and placate me with fuckery like “you’re not alone” or the insidious “it gets better”. It doesn’t get better. The world has taught me that if I can’t resolve my depression entirely on my own, then I must simply be doing it for attention. The world has taught me that victims of suicide are selfish motherfuckers who only care about ending their own pain rather than enduring crippling despair so that others can enjoy their presence and not have to think about depression and death and stuff.
Depression is treated like an imaginary disease that prima donnas pretend to have in order to get attention and affection. I generally don’t talk about my depression because nobody gives a shit. How many times does a depressed person have to ask for help (only to get blown off or told “it gets better” by someone) before they finally say “fuck this shit” and off themselves? Others want depressed people to stop talking about depression and/or simply go away. “You’re always such a downer, man. No wonder nobody ever wants to hang out with you.”
No one gives a shit. They just want me to take a pill and stop being such a bummer all the time. So I just quietly deal with being in a perpetual state of “meh” because that’s the hand I got dealt in life. Whee.
That is, until I see shit like “you are not alone” or “it gets better”. Don’t make me smack you.
There are services out there, run by volunteers, who are willing and waiting to hear from you. Please try Seven Cups of Tea, I have heard very good things about them. If they, like the other services you say don’t help, refuse to help you because of being trans, then please let me know and I will stop recommending them.
I am another transgender person who has experienced all of this. When I told my counsellor that I feel a majority of my depression would get better with surgery I was told that I shouldn’t focus on surgery and it’s not an instant fix-it. I went on to ask them if they had ever experienced gender dysphoria and they said no, to which I answered “then you don’t know just how important having access to surgery and hormones is then” and never went back.
Now i’m being seen by the psychiatric emergency services every 2wks and they don’t get it either. I’ve asked for help, i’ve actively sought help, to be told ‘it gets better’ and to ‘stop putting so much importance on transitioning’. I swear to god another person says that to me and i’ll smack them too. Then when I tried to end it all, the hospital psychiatrist misgenders me repeatedly despite me telling her i’m not a woman and it saying male on my files, and then said the same things that I keep getting “stop putting so much importance on transitioning, it’s not life or death”.
But it is life or death for some of us. To me and to many others I know, life isn’t going to start getting better until we’ve transitioned to a point where we’ll be happy but some of us; including myself; can’t access any of those because apparently our depression and suicidal thoughts are too prominent in our lives and they feel it’s not a smart move for any medical professional to make. Which then pushes us to more extreme methods of getting the help we need. I’ve lost friends and family because of the effects of depression, and now I have to hide it to keep those who have stuck around.
Like many trans people before us, we’ll try every outlet we can and when one works, we’ll tell everyone that it does. 7 Cups of Tea has worked for me in the past however some of the people you get don’t understand the importance of transitioning but they are not transphobic. I’d say give them a go if you haven’t :)
If anyone has safe places or contacts for trans people please let me know so I can put them up on the site. Trans people are one on the greatest risk groups for depression and suicide and I’d love to be able to point people in need of help in the right direction. I’m kind of flabberghasted that there are people in the mental health profession who don’t have the tools or the understanding to help, but the horror stories are there.